I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
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He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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