This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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