Are we in a gay sports bar?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize