Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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