so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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