hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
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he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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