The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize