I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
a search helicopter?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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