Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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