ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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