Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize