i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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