I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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