How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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