She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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