im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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