he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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