I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize