Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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