I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize