he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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