What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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