Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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