Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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