My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize