i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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