i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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