You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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