Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My balls are so social today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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