And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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