hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize