elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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