i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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