So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dicks are not precious.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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