There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Too much gin, very little bucket
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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