Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize