I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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