Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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