You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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