well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize