We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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