I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
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other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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