OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize