You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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