Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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