I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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where are my pants?
in the oven.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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