You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
zippers are such a cool invention
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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