we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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