I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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