MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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